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[info]loveissimple
I added most of you guys! Please add me back! Love ya.
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I came to my new house last night and went upstairs to my room and there was a brand new computer sitting on the desk. My eyes were like O O!
I'm so glad that I'll have a new computer to start over on with my new camera... when I get it on Christmas. It's a Rebel, not my first choice, but it's what I got so I'll work with it.

I dyed my hair dark 2 nights ago.

I constantly have dreams about one of my managers having sex with me.

Current Mood:
amused amused
Current Music:
The meanest acid taking down south cracker on the mic
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Shawty right there got a monkey so fat. When your girl turn around, you can see it from the back. Shawty got that Comeback.
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I GOT A CALL BACK FROM AMERICAN APPAREL OH YEAH BABY OH YEAH
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Thank you for your comments on that last post, they were nice. But men do put their spells on me so easily.
Would you like to see what I really want for Christmas?
Ok!


Stars (the band) necklace AND pillowcases! What more could I friggin ask for? I think that's so so so cool. Once again, love ya Canada. Hopefully when I graduate highschool, next Winter or so... I will be awarded a Macbook Pro and a trip to Canada. Shit I would gladly go with my dad. I really wouldn't care. I just wanna go.
Current Mood:
hypnotized hypnotized
Current Music:
Stars!
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I don't understand, why do I stress a man when there's so many better things at hand? We coulda never had it all. We had to hit a wall. So this is inevitable withdrawl. Even if I stop wanting you, a perspective pushes through. I'll be some next man's other woman soon. I shouldn't play myself again. I should just be my own best friend, not fuck myself in the head with stupid men.
Current Mood:
awake awake
Current Music:
guess.
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"Mane, I just got my report card today, mane. I looked at it, mane, I had all F's on it! I took it back to the teacher and told her to throw some D's on it!"
-Soulja Boy, Smartest Man Alive
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I am certain of this and I am not certain of anything.

I haven't written down anywhere a collection of my feelings and what happend between me and Chris. I still can't write it all down, and I never want to repeat it out loud again. I hate him more than anyone and still love him a lot. How can he so easily put pictures up with her when he could NEVER put up pictures of me and him? Why would he want to hurt my feelings like that? Our break up wasn't brought on by either side cheating, (at least to my knowledge) just pure uhhh... I don't know. He didn't want to be with me anymore. We ended up having the worst relationship out of everyone we knew. That doesn't change what was good about it, and the things that I will never stop remembering that we did together or he said to me. Saying that makes a lot of things run through my head.
Ohhh I try to move on every single day. Quite often I think I have and then I remember that I have not. He doesn't deserve so much space in my memory. My heart hasn't stopped being broken and I can't wait for it to get better. There are a lot of people around me that are 10 years older than me and are still sad about someone who broke their heart 5 years ago. That is unacceptable.
I haven't stopped worrying for a long time and I wonder when are things going to get better. I have tried to give love and change things for a long time and have been feeling completely miserable for even longer. I can't love like I want to and I can't change anything. Still, people think of me as a bad person with poor intentions. What they don't know is I'm scared and want them to leave me alone.
I don't know what else to say.

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I work with people that I'm never really too sure of. Some days I think I like them, then I really hate them. Today, like other days, I put on my iPod. I put on Akron/Family.
wwww.myspace.com/akak
Then started the whispers. "Do you like this?" "Is this Gabby's music?" "What is this?" and then finally my manager for the night said "Gabby, this is odd."
Oh, I'm sorry that I think listening to the same group of Phish songs over and over again gets a little fucking retarded. I'm sorry my horizons are so much more broad than yours. So anyone, go try Akron/Family and see for yourself. It's music that's easy to digest, and really pleasant in my opinion. It makes ME feel GOOD.
I really don't like The Grateful Dead. I really don't like Phish. I really don't like Widespread Panic. Do I whisper when those dorks put it on and say "Oh my God... what is this?" No, because I already know what it is and because I don't feel like it's my place to insult the bands that people think are special. Hmm...

I peed in my pants/on the carpet a total of 3 times on Wednesday. That is an all time high. From laughing too hard.

"I'll have a Blue Christmas, that's certain, when all those blue memories start hurtin'. And you'll be doin' alright with you Christmas of white, but I'll have a blue, blue, blue, Blue Christmas."
It's that time again to bring out A Christmas Album by Bright Eyes! Yay!

Current Mood:
annoyed annoyed
Current Music:
Akron/Family
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but I saw Ghostface Killah and Rakim. I know some of you have to fucking care!! You have got to! Stop giving me NO love.
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I hate it when I said something... maybe even more than once... and it seems like whoever I said it to never heard me. Does anybody listen? No, really?
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Here's my favorite footage I got from Bright Eyes:


The rest is footage from others attending the show.

First Day of My Life. I thought I would be crying the entire show, but really this song is what brought the most emotion out of me. Completely amazing.


Four Winds


You Will... The camera man didn't film the most epic part but whatever.


Intro to If The Brakeman Turns My Way. I was sad at the time thinking I wouldn't be able to hear what he said again, but thankfully a kind heart captured it!


An Attempt To Tip The Scales. What they opened with. BEAUTIFUL!! Again, the best part wasn't captured.


ALL I KNOW IS I FEEL BETTER WHEN I SING... BURDENS ARE LIFTED FROM ME... THAT'S MY VOICE RISING!
Method Acting! During the first run through of this piece, some people started hitting each other in the crowd and Conor stopped playing and said "It's cool it's cool" He took a few steps back, drank some water, said "I've seen that scene play out one too many times." Then continued with the song!


Lover I Don't Have to Love
PERFECT PERFORMANCE OF THIS ONE! And hey everyone... you heard it here first... Bright Eyes only plays Gibson guitars which are made in Memphis!




Last Thursday I saw Ghostface Killah and Rakim in Denver. Unfortunately I got no film of Ghostface... but here's my favorite that I took of Rakim.
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Isn't he cute? We don't want relationships. Ohhh I'm nastay!!

I just got back from visiting my sister in Boulder, CO for 4 days. I got a HUGE piece of rose quartz and... my faaavorite... a little piece of azurite with a lot of malachite on it. My sis and I got matching mineral rings from Nederland. Both to protect me from alllll the bad energy. Here's some pics from my trip!!































Current Mood:
optimistic optimistic
Current Music:
Bright Eyes
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Oh yeah FUCK MY EX BOYFRIEND. Fuck him. I didn't deserve anything he did to me.
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Last night I saw my favorite band and my favorite person since I was 12. They opened with An Attempt to Tip the Scales and on my way to the show I thought "So close to dying that I finally can start living". Then he opens with the song. I can't explain to you how good it feels to me that my favorite music group lived up to every single expectation that I ever had of them. I have never seen anyone play their instruments like that. I took some videos and I'll post them.

A few songs I can remember them playing:
An Attempt To Tip the Scales
Poison Oak
Four Winds
If The Brakeman Turns My Way
Classic Cars
You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.
Lover I Don't Have to Love
Method Acting

Conor also sang Spring Cleaning from the One Jug of Wine, Two Vessels Bright Eyes and Neva Dinova split. I really didn't expect to hear one song from that.

There's no way they could play every song that has changed my life for me in one 2 hour set. It honestly didn't matter to me which song came next because every single one means something to me. Conor was funny and completely alive. I'm really grateful I got to see him at this time. I won't explain my deepest thoughts about this, because they're really personal and sappy thoughts.

The Felice Brothers opened for them and I was blown away. They thanked their good friend Conor for being able to go on the tour. He has really good taste. Maria Taylor was a little weird. I like Azure Ray a lot more than her solo work. I expected that Maria would perform a lot of songs with Bright Eyes because she helps out with vocals on so much of their music. To my disdain, she didn't do that. That was a little disappointing. A lot disappointing. I dunno, maybe there was good reason.

Lover I Don't Have to Love never made complete sense to me until lately, and I didn't realize that until last night. I'm so glad they played it. You really don't know how special all of it was.

I picked you out
Of a crowd and talked to you
Said I liked your shoes
You said "Thanks, can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs
And out the aim of prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name
You asked the time

Now it's two o'clock
The club is closed, we're up the block
Your hands on me
Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know
Who else may have been you before

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said he'd meet me here but I'm not sure
I got the money if you got the time
He said, "It feels good"
I said, "I'll give it a try"

Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning

Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers
They just play tragic
And the phone's ringing
And the band's leaving
Let's just keep touching
Let's just keep keep, keep singing

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where's the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind

But you, but you
You write such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
Then hurt me
Then hurt me
Then hurt me
Then hurt me
Then hurt me
Then hurt me
Then hurt me
Then hurt me
Then hurt me
Then hurt me

Current Mood:
awake awake
Current Music:
The Felice Brothers
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I get to have a vanity liscense plate in December when I get my new tags. Here are my choices: (I am a fucking dork)
10 4 (This is my birth date and ya know 10-4 good buddy)
SOOBEE (I have a Subaru, and I call it a Soobee)
CONOR (Conor! Oberst. My pal.)

You get to write down three choices in the blanks and whichever is available (in order from your first pick) is your new plate number.
It is almost 6 o'clock in the morning and I am still awake. That is too fuckin cute.

Current Mood:
awake awake
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Me and my dear Conor Oberst will be face to face and heart to heart on November 6th at the Orpheum Theatre in Memphis, Tennessee. I am beyond elated because he is my magic and my favorite book. I've never seen my dear since he's never come closer than Bonaroo. I would never pay one million dollars and drive one million miles to that bullshit just to see him. Not to say he isn't totally and completely worth it. It just would be not so fun, and I have always wanted to see him where I live, love, and where I dwell. This is going to be an extended entry because I'm with Adderall tonight.
Yesterday I got spun on mushrooms for the first time and decided that is what's going to top of my night on November 6th. I will eat another mushroom sandwich and cry and laugh and have a look in my eye that screams "I am on drugs".
I want to wear my purple pants... maybe. There's so much I want to wear. This is like my wedding day. A whole new outfit might be in order. Oh yeah, I want to wear a dress. I have to look like an angel.

Today, I'm going to teach you something new. Listen closely, because this might come in handy when thinking about yourself. The following is a small collection of notes I took from the book The Complete Idiot's Guide to Indigo Children by Wendy Chapman and Carolyn Flynn.

Indigo Children
A wave of children being born since 1982 who are exceptionally brilliant, imaginative, empathetic, and already have a sense that they will change our world.
-Gifted but misunderstood
-Exciting and charming people but may be impossible to live with
-Often highly emotionally and physically sensitive-- can be wildly angry or can be exceptionally psychic.
-They may struggle to conform, especially in schools
-Strong sense of seld demands and expects change and good choices

The term Indigo Children stems from the belief that these children arrived into this world on a wave of deep blue light energy. Indigo refers to the third-eye chakra, which is strong in these children. That chakra's color is deep blue, or indigo. The third-eye chakra is the energy center in the body that governs intuition, a trait that is particularly strong in many Indigo Children. Many people identify Indigos by picking up on a rich, deep blue light energy eminating from the child's auric field.

If you want to learn more... pick up a few books on this topic or listen to this awesome interview.
Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8
Current Mood:
busy busy
Current Music:
YouTube
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Monday was Amber's 18th birthday. I don't usually drink unless someone is excellent at persuaion. Since it was her birthday, I decided to drink. I was drunk and Amber bought 2 hits of LSD. We proceeded to take a half a hit each at 5:30. At around 8:30, we decided to take the other half. That's one hit each. Pretty normal.
The initial come on was non-stop giggling and very fast movements. We went to the mall and ended up not being able to handle it because everything was too funny. After an hour and a half, I told her I needed to go visit Chris. That's when we drove to Linton's house to see Chris, Linton, and Jason.
This is when the visuals began. Amber had a TON of glow sticks with her, and I kept asking if she was breaking them because it looked to me like they were spraying neon light everywhere. Well, they weren't broken.
I started to feel things I haven't felt since I was very very young. Most of this experience can't be explained, ever. I looked at the hood of Linton's car. It was covered in little pink wilted flower petals. They started to wax and wane, and also become animated. I watched that for a while and sat back down. There's many more examples of visuals, but that really isn't very important because they were all similar. Faces become liquified and blurry, or sometimes they look demonic.
By the end of the night, I just wanted to sleep. That wasn't going to happen. I swam in my bed for 4 hours. My sheets were neverending and my room and entire house was HUGE and very bright. Since I drank, I got very very sick and threw up at least 4 or 5 times. That's when I decided I don't drink. If someone asks me to, I just don't.
When I can't sleep sometimes I put my hand at the base, or top of my vagina. As soon as I did that I felt my womb and instantly thought that I love my mother. When I say I felt my womb, I mean I saw it and felt it. It was beautiful. As personal as that is, a few other very personal things happend.
I wanted to write this down.
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a bad, bad girl.
Current Mood:
happy happy
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